Everybody as rivaly on Chevy vs Ford. Here is Jokes for the Chevy Guys and The Ford Guys. I am a bit of both.
Ford Jokes:
Q: What is the difference between a Ford and a porcupine?
A: Porcupines have pricks on the outside.
Q: What's the difference between a Ford and the principal's office?
A: It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.
Q: What goes on pages 4-5 of the Ford's user's manual?
A: The train & bus schedule.
Q: How do you double the value of a Ford Icon?
A: Full the tank with petrol.
Q: What did the Toyota say to the Ford?
A: Would you like a tow home?
Q: What should the Ford Mustang really be called?
A: The Ford Rustang.
Q: Why is this country so far in debt?
A: Because the president drives a Ford.
Q: Why do they fit heated tail gates to luxury Ford bakkies?
A: To keep your hands warm when you pushed them.
Q: Why do the new Ford Explorers have larger bumpers?
A: To make it easier on the towe trucks.
Q: Why are Ford dealers giving away a dog with each Ford sold?
A: So the owner has a companion to walk home with.
Q: Why are the latest Fords so aerodynamically designed?
A: It improves the Chevy tow truck's fuel consumption.
Q: What is the aim of a Ford project car?
A: An attempt to keep their car running.
Q: What is the difference between a Ford and a tampon?
A: A tampon comes with it's own tow rope.
"Have you out-driven a Ford lately?"
"Speed kills. Drive a Ford and live forever!"
"That's not a leak. My Ford's just marking it's territory."
"I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford."
"Friends don't let friends drive Fords."
"I'd rather push a BMW then drive a Ford."
"Ford Escort me to a Toyota dealer."
Why do people name their kids Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche when they look like buicks & fords
If your Bentley is taking up 2 parking spaces, then okay. I get it. But a
Ford Focus? I feel obligated to deflate your tires now.
So you're in high school and you drive a Ford Mustang? You must know all about hard work then
Henry Ford Goes to Heaven
Henry Ford dies and goes to Heaven.
At the gate, St Peter tells Henry Ford: "Well, you've been such a good
guy, invented the car, changed the world. As a reward you can hang out
with anybody in Heaven of your choice."
So Henry Ford thinks about it and says: "I would like to hang out with God himself?"
So St Peter takes him directly to God's thrown and Henry Ford starts by
saying: "God, I don't want to sound biased, but you have some major
design flaws in Your invention, the Woman.
1. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much
4. The intake is too close to the exhaust."
"HMMMM" says God and goes over to the Celestial Super Computer, types in a few key strokes, and waits for the results.
He then turns to Henry Ford and says; "It may be that My invention is
flawed, but according to the stellar computer more men are riding My
invention then your's".
Factory Ordered Road Disasters
Fix Or Repair Daily
For Off Road Driving
Found On Roadside Dead
Flip Over Read Directions
Found On Road Deserted
Forget Out Running Danie
F*cked On Race Day
Four Old Rusted Doors
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Ford Owner Really Dumb
Fixed On Race Day
For Only Retarded Drivers
Freaking Only Runs Downhill
Failure On Research & Development
Chevy Jokes:
Q: How do you double the value of a Chevy?
A: Put gas in it.
Q: How is a golf ball different from a Chevy?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.
Q: Why are there sidewalks beside streets?
A: So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
Q: How much wood could a GM*truck haul if a GM truck could haul wood?
A: As much as the*Ford*towing it.
Q. How do you make a Chevy accelerate 0-60 mph in less than 15
seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.
Q. What is found on the last two pages of every Chevy's owners manual?
A. The bus schedule.
Q. What do you call a Chevy with brakes?
A. Customized.
Q. Why don't Chevy's sustain much damage in front end collisions?
A. The*tow truck*takes most of the impact.
Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Chevy?
A. Park it between two*Fords
Q. Why are the new GM*trucks*more aerodynamic?
A. So they will save the Fords gas when the Ford tows them away.
Q. What did the Ford say to the Chevy?
A. Would you like a tow home?
Q. How can they improve the new Chevy truck?
A. Put a Ford engine in it.
Q. Why are the Chevy dealerships giving away a dog with every purchase
A. So the owners have someone to walk home with.
CHEVROLET= Constantly Having Every*Vehicle*Recalled Over Lousy
Engineering Techniques
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
CHEVROLET= Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
CHEVROLET= Can Hear Every Valve Rattle, Oil Leaks, Engine Ticks.
CHEVROLET= Cheap Heavy Equipment, Very Rusty, Overly Loved, Eventually
Towed
CHEVY= Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet
GMC= Garage Man's Companion
GMC= Garbage Manufacturing Company
GMC= Gotta Mechanic Coming
GM= General Mistake
GM= Glued Metal
From the past 10 years, about 95% of Chevy trucks are still on the
road. The rest made it home.
Have you seen the new speed limit signs? They say "Speed limit 65,
Chevy's-do the
best you can"
That's not a leak, my Chevy's just marking its territory.
Buy a Chevy and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the
rest.
A Texan was talking big in a bar one night about how much money he
had, how
many women he had been with and how much land he owned. A young man,
growing tired of all the big talk finally asked the Texan, "Just how
much land do you actually own"? The Texan tipped back his cowboy hat
and said to the young
man " Well sonny let me put it to ya like this, I can get in my pickup
at sunrise, drive all day long, skip lunch and still not get to the
other side of my property by sundown". The young man shot back
quickly, " Oh yeah, I know what you mean, I used to own a Chevy truck
too"!
"Chevy, built like a rock and runs like one too."
On a quiet day, you can hear a chevy about three miles away rusting apart.
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